A Trip Home

In May, 2005, i scored a free trip to Korea. well, kind of free. i mean, i certainly paid my dues prior, and had to surrender my soul for five weeks to some pretty intense circumstances. which, i would do again in a heartbeat. towards the end of the five weeks, i got three, precious days to leave ulsan. i spent two days in seoul and on the third day, ventured to pyongtaek--the city in which, according to my adoption documents, i was born. looking at these photos, the memories feel very far away...on this day, i journeyed with my friend je jong (whom i could not have done this without) to what i believe(d) to be the one-time home of my biological mother. it's all super hazy now...we started on a train to the main city, then after some questioning of locals, took a bus to a more rural part of the city. more questioning, another bus, at which point we arrived. on this day, i watched as the men quickly gathered one after the other, to tell their stories. stories of the only adoption anyone in this village knew of, that told je jong within 10 minutes, that these men thought they knew my parents. stories so close to mine (or what little i know of it.) stories of a man that drank much and had mental problems (hm, i thought to myself. sounds about right.) a man who cried sometimes and called out for his daughter in the night. a name that did not match the one i was given at birth. sad stories, but in the end, i couldn't believe it was my story. how could this be? this was the address of my mother at the time of my adoption, and the home in which, a couple that had given their child up for adoption, once lived. but none of the details made any sense. the father was the prominent figure in their story; on my birth documents, the father is "unknown". the mother they spoke of did not share the same name as my birth mother, a name that no one in the village recognized. we even spoke to, by phone, the woman that had this been my story, would have been my biological grandmother. but according to her, i would have been 3 or 4 years younger. to this day, i do not know what the truth is, or how (or if) these stories and lives intertwine. to put the emotionality and confusion of this day into words is incredibly difficult...at the end of that day, i was exhausted in every way. i only wanted to go home. home to our smelly, polluted, parking lot camping grounds. (another story.) i wasn't sure if anyone could pick me up from the train station, and was so relieved to see adam there, waiting for me like an old family member.

the woman above, with the purple shoes, asked why i took her picture. she said she was an old lady, waiting to die.

did i think that my whole life later, my real mom would still be there? No. did i have hope, somewhere inside, that my real mom might still be there? Yes.

349 Kumggak-dong
Sotan-myon
Pyongtaek-kun
Kyonggi-do

Kim, Yon Pae
ID 580819
2221418