cali II

cali I

babies and bourbon, sunsets and surfer docs.
good times.

Christmas a come early

A Trip Home

In May, 2005, i scored a free trip to Korea. well, kind of free. i mean, i certainly paid my dues prior, and had to surrender my soul for five weeks to some pretty intense circumstances. which, i would do again in a heartbeat. towards the end of the five weeks, i got three, precious days to leave ulsan. i spent two days in seoul and on the third day, ventured to pyongtaek--the city in which, according to my adoption documents, i was born. looking at these photos, the memories feel very far away...on this day, i journeyed with my friend je jong (whom i could not have done this without) to what i believe(d) to be the one-time home of my biological mother. it's all super hazy now...we started on a train to the main city, then after some questioning of locals, took a bus to a more rural part of the city. more questioning, another bus, at which point we arrived. on this day, i watched as the men quickly gathered one after the other, to tell their stories. stories of the only adoption anyone in this village knew of, that told je jong within 10 minutes, that these men thought they knew my parents. stories so close to mine (or what little i know of it.) stories of a man that drank much and had mental problems (hm, i thought to myself. sounds about right.) a man who cried sometimes and called out for his daughter in the night. a name that did not match the one i was given at birth. sad stories, but in the end, i couldn't believe it was my story. how could this be? this was the address of my mother at the time of my adoption, and the home in which, a couple that had given their child up for adoption, once lived. but none of the details made any sense. the father was the prominent figure in their story; on my birth documents, the father is "unknown". the mother they spoke of did not share the same name as my birth mother, a name that no one in the village recognized. we even spoke to, by phone, the woman that had this been my story, would have been my biological grandmother. but according to her, i would have been 3 or 4 years younger. to this day, i do not know what the truth is, or how (or if) these stories and lives intertwine. to put the emotionality and confusion of this day into words is incredibly difficult...at the end of that day, i was exhausted in every way. i only wanted to go home. home to our smelly, polluted, parking lot camping grounds. (another story.) i wasn't sure if anyone could pick me up from the train station, and was so relieved to see adam there, waiting for me like an old family member.

the woman above, with the purple shoes, asked why i took her picture. she said she was an old lady, waiting to die.

did i think that my whole life later, my real mom would still be there? No. did i have hope, somewhere inside, that my real mom might still be there? Yes.

349 Kumggak-dong
Sotan-myon
Pyongtaek-kun
Kyonggi-do

Kim, Yon Pae
ID 580819
2221418

The Return

What happens when lots of crazy activist hippies camp out in a toxic parking lot with sometimes extreme heat/cold/monsoon weather for days on end? good times. debauchery, hijinx, mild insanity, love, drama, bacteria, rashes...i was fortunate enough to have escaped any of the latter. Korea was not only a blast, it was one of the most unique experiences of my life. Our crew consisted of mostly Europeans, a Kiwi, an Ozzy, a Brit, a Mexican, an American, and of course, some Koreans. For six weeks, I lived in a small, one person tent, out of one large back pack. (as did everyone else.) i was thoroughly content in doing so...making essentially no money, sub-letting my sweet apartment at home, moving in with friends when i came back. it is amazing how little you can live with when you aren't immersed in middle to upper class consumer culture. We (mostly "I"!) cooked meals for 10-15 people at all times, with only two burners and a small cooler for refrigeration. (Needless to say, we drank a lot of warm Hite. And soju. sweet soju.) We beared witness to the slaughter of innocent creatures. We held vigil for days on end to send a message to the korean people. We ate, slept, worked, partied, laughed, cried...in one night we saw a dog get run over, watched it pass, and buried him. then i went to check email and found out my grandfather had gone too. that was a sad night. i knew it might happen; i knew it the last time i saw him. i hugged him and rested my head on his chest, knowing it might be the last time. for this i am thankful. still, i wish i hadn't been half way around the world when it happened. but i was there for some reason...if you believe in that kind of thing...every person there was invested in the cause where it hurts. Life is so beautiful; there are so many precious things (and people) on this planet that much of the human race seems intent on destroying for our own selfish and immediate needs. How far will we have to go?

To Korea

the bathhouse. sweet, sweet bathhouse. i miss you. our only means for personal hygiene, 4,000 won, hot pool, cold pool, sauna. and a serious body rub down for next to nothing. (which i never experienced because it looked a tad rough for my taste.) complete with little pink plastic stools, to sit on while you showered with one hand on the spout, one hand to do the rest. tricky. in the sauna, packed like sardines in a tin can with a bunch of korean woman. wishing i knew what they were saying; ignoring how it made me feel that i didn't!

the people in korea were kind, generous, and open. there were a handful of men who strongly disliked our presence and made it known a number of times and through various means (threats.) which was to be expected. i mean, who were we to set up camp on their turf, spreading knowledge of this whale business? one thing i learned, korean men REALLY, love their drink. like many around the world i suppose. i had always heard about how koreans looked down upon korean americans--and it is true; some do. but for the most part everyone was exceptionally kind to me and curious about my story. (which by the time i left, i had perfectly honed into a few movements of the hands and arms, since i did not have the words.) i also made the local news, so i reached minor celebrity status. hehe. people would come up to me and say in hangul (or english if they could) "i saw you on tv"...and want to shake my hand. one woman we were working with invited me into her home for a weekend; of course i could not go because there was too much that needed doing :( But, in my six weeks, i got three away from the camp--and i was lucky! our one of a kind experience in korea ties those of us lucky enough to experience it together for life. it was also the culmination of some truly bizarre and surreal events. towards the end of our stay, a large fair/bizarre set up camp next door, and proceeded to blare terrible techno day and night. This, the backdrop to our already strange set of circumstances, that i really, cannot do justice with words. you kinda had to be there. and i am so glad that i was!